she loves everybody

this is to all the boys
that were in my life
that left.

this is to the boy
that didn't give me enough time
this is to the boy
who used me
this is to the boy
who wouldn't let me in
this is to the boy
i tried way to hard to get
this is to the boy
who loves jack's mannequin
this is to the boy
who was to young
this is to the boy
who i wanted to be his mrs.
this is to the boy
who fell for me way to fast
this is to the boy
who was two quiet
this is to the boy
i didn't even care about
this is to the boy
that i used
this is to the boy
who made me the maddest
this is to the boy
who was my secret
this is to the boy
who cheated on me
this is to the boy
i cheated on
this is to the boy
who was my first
this is to the boy
who i loved

this is to the boys
who made my life
miserable
wonderful
complicated
exciting

It might seem
that you are insignificant
but I remember every single one
every single one that hurt
every single one that smiled
every single one

you helped
shape me
to be the person I am
so even if you are no longer
in my life
thank you
for the memories

Vacation

I want to leave
I need to get away
I need to find something
To live for.

So baby let’s take a vacation
Just me and you
Let’s get in the car
And just drive
Light up some cigs
And forget everything.

It’s like our own holiday from real
Watching the sunrise with you
Our bodies entangled
Beautiful
No problems
Let’s just relax

God damn when will this end
No smiles
No laughter
No love
Nothing
Everything is gray
Nothing to live for
Where am I supposed to go?

I fight
Everyday
For a better tomorrow
But no matter what
Or how hard I try
It doesn’t get better
I feel hopeless
The color has left my life.

I tell myself
It’s going to get better
But it hasn’t
It’s been six months
Since he left
And I can’t see myself with anyone else
So I’m alone.
Work sucks
Day to day
Same old thing
Bad pay
Drama
Fuck this
I just want to do what I love.

The only thing that gets me through
Is this pen and paper
And that someday
My world will have color.

Blood

Red
Thick
Sticky
Painful
Hurt
Control
Blood
Release

That's why it happens
I need control
I desire for it
So I take the blade
and with one swift movement

thick
painful
red
sticky
hurt
control
release

dripping from my arm
i need to feel this release

you judge me
you tell me it's wrong
that I need help
but I don't believe I do
it's harmless
and if you left me alone
I ouldn't feel this overwelming guilt
that I just disappointed everyone
but you can fuck off
because you don't know
what i'm going through

So I'll continue
blade in hand
breath swift
red
sticky
painful
hurt
control
a final release.

Rainbow

Dear Sister,
I am so scared for you
You have seemed to have lost your way
I have no idea who you are
I want my little sister back.

But I know what you are going through
Even though you think I don’t
I know what it’s like
Thinking the rainbow will never come
That it will rain forever
I know you feel hopeless
Like you have failed
At such a young age

But please, don’t give up
Please don’t lose hope
You are worth so much more
Then the life you lead
It will get better
It will stop raining
The sun will come out
The rainbow will stay
Just fight
Don’t give up
Most of all, I love you
-your big sister

Questioning

Sometimes I question life, why is it exactly what it is? full of questions

Why did he leave me?
Why am I not good enough for him?
Was I not pretty enough?

But it's not all about love. Life is full of other questions of equal importance.

Is there a god?
Is there any importance to anything?
Why is the sky blue?
Why do people have to die?

But there will never be a definate answer to these questions. And instead of questioning all the time maybe we should find the joy in the answers we do have. like the fact you lived one second more. or the fact that someone loves you whether its your family, yours friends, or your pet. live each day to the fullest and don't worry about things out of your control.